Hillarious article I saw when I signed into my yahoo account.

Warning: In case you're more mature than me, please don't click here.

Life's like that! MINE!

Okay, this is something I've been wanting to do for ages now and, based on a post from my sister in law on their family blog, I've been re inspired to put this up.
It's basically a whole bunch of typical funny stories that you'd find in the Readers digest, except that they've really happened to people I know and people that are part of my life.

First story: My dad is an electrician/plumber and my mom is a Frum midwife.
One day, we get a call to the house and my dad picks up...
Tatty: Hello.
Dude on the phone: Hello, is this the Hershcovich household?
Tatty: It is. What's wrong?
Dude on the phone: Ummm, well the water just broke.
Tatty: Okay. So who do you want to speak to?

Second story: Sister in law wrote this on her blog and I thought it was hillarious. I think it really happened...
Mendele: (crying) "MAMMY, yossi screamed at me!"(very sensitive)
Me: (I've been reading a parenting book) "Did he hurt your feelings?" (my gut response would have been "so what? stuff it")
Mendel:"No, He hurt my ears!"

I did have another one, but can't remember it... Whatever. I have to go now... Ciao!

In the game show and inspired.

I just finished a game show and this frightening thought passed through me. I'm scared that perhaps I've changed from what I used to be. Perhaps I'm more mature and 'grown up' since years gone by.
I've decided to prove to myself once and for all that I'm the same guy I always was. Why would I want to grow up??
Here goes:
Kaka
Pishy
PooPoo
Tushy face

...

Phew!! That felt good. It's healthy to do that once in a while I think.

"Not-able-to-sleep" update!

That's right. I was just lying down in bed for about a half hour... It turned out to be a seemingly* useless half hour of doing nothing.

(*I say seemingly, because I obviously don't want to contradict the Heiligeh lesson that the Besh"t taught us about the concept of Hashgocho Protis... So, though there is definitely a secret, heavenly reason for my lying in bed and looking at emptiness, I can't comprehend the reason and thus, I say seemingly useless!)

Anyways, based on this sleepless while, I decided to finally upload all the kak that was on my mind lately.

But first of all, the concept that has been bugging me. Beis Rivkah and Bnos Menachem show their real colors on the outside.
Saying this, I refer to the recent incident of Purim Koton, where both schools' eighth grade classes (I think) switched places and attended different schools in very jolly Purim Koton humor.
Very fun and clean humor on the surface, you would think. This happens all over the place apparently. Many Seminaries practice this custom. Yet, the reaction this time was very interesting.
Bnos Menachem staff laughed at the humor, turned it into a nice little strengthening of Judaism and brought out the positive from it... The school got up and said that because of the 'new' students in School, learning should be extra strong and invigorated. It was indeed. The girls were all very excited and lots of Davvening and learning happened.
Beis Rivkah met the girls of Bnos Menachem at the front door, and very strictly 'suggested' that any girl who does not regularly attend Beis Rivkah should turn around and go home. They were very upset at the whole joke.
At first, I reacted the way most other people reacted. I was under the impression that Beis Rivkah is giving the totally wrong lesson to their school. They probably had one of those uptight Shpitz women standing at the front door, very rudely telling the Bnos Menachem girls that they weren't wanted. A very 'old school' style, where learning is not a positive activity. This school teaches their pupils that they can't take nice jokes and be easygoing. Judaism has got to be boring, consistent and limited by tight guidelines!
Bnos Menachem on the other hand was cool about the joke. They reacted so superbly at the little joke that the students pulled. They showed that jokes are fine every once in a while... At the right times. Not only did they play along with the joke, but they even used the joke as a springboard to increase in their learning and praying. It's incredible how easygoing and positive an atmosphere Bnos Menachem showed.
"I'm sure next year, many angry parents are going to switch their daughters from Beis Rivkah to Bnos Menachem" is what I thought.
This is all my initial opinion. That's all before the wonderful wife showed me the entire picture.


Beis Rivkah: This school has gone through alot. They've had girls going off the way before. They've been there done that over their many years of service to the community. According to the wife, there have been times before that girls were found in boys apartments, hanging out with the wrong people and all the other stuph associated with "Not such Hassidic" behaviour. Hardened and embarrassed by ages of this bad reputation, Beis Rivkah is in desperate need to shape up and prove to the community that they can educate and develop Chassidishe Maidelach who are true and devoted to Yiddishkeit and Chassidishkeit. Therefore, Beis Rivkah is an aged educator, who knows what's best for the student. They know, that if such a joke goes by easily... then next time, who's to say that some girls won't take off and head over to see a movie (GASP!) Ch'v or other Klipah's Hashem Yishmereini!!

Bnos Menachem: This school has not seen any downhill activity yet. They are still a young, growing school that has lots to learn about education (... This is all just a theory!). It's a great thing, not to have to deal with basic Judaism issues in the school. It's great to not have a Frumkeit issue on your record like Bnos Menachem so proudly boasts... But! Who's to say that that time won't come for this school as well.
In other words, the lack of girls from Bnos Menachem Frai'ing out... Is it because Bnos Menachem has such an incredibly gifted, talented faculty, that cares about the students and has it all screwed on right... Or, are we to say that "their time will also come!" (Chas Veshalom!!)

Hmmmm...

I leave it at that.

I am getting tired, so though I have more to write. I.e. Steven the snowman and other pictures, I will have to leave it for another sleepless moment.

Good night fellow readers.

Shabbos and some thoughts of mine... Again!

So... We're back in the Heights and Shabbos was awesome!
Snow on Friday and leftovers on Shabbos (leftover snow, that is).
Very chilled and relaxed, with lots of useless conversations... Things like... Ummm... Hong Kong... and the game 21 questions which lasted for about three hours... We spoke about Hong Kong and I also leaned this new cool card game called Skip-Bo, that I won once. We also spoke about Hong Kong... Which reminds me how much speaking Loshon Horah gets on my nerves. It's almost like a conscious disgusting feeling inside that I get when we're talking Loshon Horah. Though thus far, this disgusting feeling's never yet made me stop talking L"H.

Another random thought that I would like to add to the blog: When a person passes unwanted gas in public areas, the coolest reaction to do to that would be, turn around and face all of the anguished, annoyed faces that are directed at you. Smile at them all and go "Ha ha! Just kidding! Just cracking a joke, that's all!"

Good Voch to all.

I will post pictures of Steven, our snowman and his horrific meltdown that we found when we came back home after the Hampton's. Sad story all around.

Posting from the Hampton's...

In the Hampton's for Shabbos.
This is awesome!
Snow on the ground.
Not too cold outside.
...
Very chilled.

This morning, while waiting for the van to come and whisk us both away to this Long Island heaven, I made a snowman in our backyard. There was (were?) about five inches of snow. It was a very miniature snowman. But a snowman nonetheless. Pictures will come after we get back home tomorrow night.
We also names the snowman Steven. It was small. About as small as Steven was.

...

It's made in his righteous memory.

Good Shabbos all!

Opinions and stuff on Israel... My land!

This here video is absolutely awesome. It's a total shame that Hashem allowed the first few to be launched. But the ending is incredible. I love it.
May these video's happen every single time.
BTW, this video is courtesy of www.gruntig.blogspot.com. A really cool blog.

And onto cooler things.

Hevron, the city of our forefathers was a topic of discussion in our little home last night. That is a discussion that the awesomestest wife (I'm not being forced to say that ;)) and myself spoke about.
It was with regard to a video that gruntig put up as well. The following two video's:



And this one:



These videos that we watched sparked the conversation and the following analysis:

1 - Chevron is a city that belongs to the Jewish people. Avraham Avinu bought the land with money... Some Sefardic dude years ago also bought the land again with cash... Menucha Rochel bought land there with money! All these Jewish people payed hard earned money for the land of Chevron. They did this in order to counter the very issue that arises nowadays in that city. Arabs claim that the land is theirs. These sick human rights activists claim that the land is property of the Arabs... It's sick how nobody even sees that this land legally belongs to us time and time again.

2 - The human rights activists are not anti-semites (contrary to the opinion of this woman in the video). True they may be against the Jewish people on this issue and possibly they even began to hate Jews after being involved with the Arabs for so long and seeing all the Arab suffering that is caused by the Jews.
But they are not Anti-semites. They don't hate Jews for no reason. At least we can't concretely prove that they do.
While they do hate Israel and any Jews who support the oppressing country. They also hate America for the same reason. These sick lowlifes would happily encourage Iraqi's to send bombs into New York and Los Angeles, blowing up innocent civilians... Justified to do that, because these poor Iraqi's don't have an army of their own.

3 - On the question that those ignorant fools keep repeating to Mrs. Levinger (who's lived in Chevron for the last 30 years); "What about these children?" Mrs. Levinger doesn't properly answer the question. She keeps yelling about the source of the whole problem to them.
The proper answer she should have possibly said would be "About these little Arab boys?? If I would be able to know for certain, that my little 4 year old son could play in the yard together with this little 4 year old Palestinian kid, and the Palestinian kid's father would not come and stab my son in the back... Then I wouldn't have a problem with them!! Unfortunately my son getting killed is almost certain if I put any trust in them!! Just look at history to prove it."
Now, obviously such a response wouldn't do the human rights dudes any good and they'd keep on attacking the woman with barrages of other foolish complaints. But the question would have been answered.
On second thought. It's true! The complaints would never end. So at the end of the day, Mrs. Levinger was smart not to even try and answer their stupidly foolish query. Though for the world, I think that that answer needs to be let known and publicized (Unless it's the wrong answer...)

And finally. To end this off:
Chevron is a huge city. I remember walking up the hill to the Jewish section and looking at the view of the city from on top of the Afarsimon family's humble apartment. The city is large. Very large.


(I think we say the word 'Kein' like thirty times during the video.)

Anyways, the point is that Chevron is such a big city. From the entire city, the Jewish people have one single street that they live on. It goes from the Cave of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob with their wives, up a mountain to the top, and that's it! That's all we have. Nothing more. There must be thousands upon thousands of Arabs that live throughout the rest of the city... But that's not good enough. They NEED our little street. They NEED our little meager homes that the few dedicated Jews so boldly occupy. They NEED our blood to run down that hill and spill into the resting places of our fathers who cry for us every single day!!
But to top it all of, there are these Western Liberal Pickle brain DONKEYS who come and make a whole show for the world, caring for the suffering underdogs. The barefooted Arab kids who can't be happy with an entire city that, truth be told belongs to US JEWS!!
It makes me sick!!

And finally, the picture above with Olmert and Abbas... Is so typical. The Prime Minister who represents our entire Jewish State is holding up an umbrella, giving service to the terrorist enemy who wishes to destroy us. Isn't Olmert such a wonderful person?? (That being said with the most sarcastic tone and intention in mind!)

Good day otherwise.

hillarious farbrengen issue!!

What's the deal?

Clicking here will bring you to an article I just came across on Arutz Sheva.com. It relates how some Danish newspaper reprinted the extremely 'offensive' anti-Arab cartoon that was first published several years ago, which ignited so much violence from the Arabs and resulted in over 100 deaths after the fighting subsided.

Police in Denmark arrested three Arabs who were planning on killing one of the cartoonists from three years ago.
Based on that arrest, 15 Danish newspapers reprinted the same Mohammed cartoon (shown above) that made all the problems just a few years ago.
Why did they reprint it?
They say that they did it so that they can show everyone how freedom of speech prevails. That they won't be intimidated by all the violent threats the Arabs may take out on the newspapers and it's law-given right to freely express it's thoughts and opinions.

I think that's a very bold and powerful statement.
The newspapers are also asking American printings and papers to come out with the same show of defiance to this threatening and demanding nation. They complain that while all the controversy was going on just over two years ago, most of the American papers which always boast about the "land of the free, and home of the brave"... were too scared to speak out publicly against the Arabs and show-off the cartoon to prove the point of 'freedom of speech'.

...

That's all very dandy. But my question that I quickly pose to you before I just into the shower and wish you all a Good Shabbos is as follows:
If some newspaper were to publicly print a very anti-semitic cartoon about the Jews... Or, say they would reprint a cartoon from one of the German papers dating back between 1935-1945, would the Jewish world laugh at the funny irony of it all, understanding that the newspapers has a right to freely express itself??
The Jewish world would go absolutely crazy if an American newspaper were to make such a sick and anti-semitic cartoon. The Jewish world would freak out is a European country were to hatingly portray our religion and traditions!!!
Well then, what's different about this???!!!

Don't get me wrong. I know there is definitely a difference between the two, I just want to hear explanations, as I haven't yet figured it all out yet. This is just an initial thought to figure which I'm presenting to all the readers.
Please let me know.

On a very superficial level, I would probably say that it has to do whether or not the religion that they're making fun of is a threat to the Country's existence... But I don't like that theory so much... There's got to be more to it than just that.

Good Shabbos!!

p.s. Some of you are going "OMG!! Benny is for sure sticking up for the Arabs. He's always sticking up and defending them... Those sick Shmendriks!!"
I'm not sticking up for anybody... I just want to understand the difference at a very logical and open-minded level. That's all.
Levi A... Any input??

A cool feeling inside.

Here's a cool thought I just had.
I was looking at the side of this blog, the one that has all the months since I started the blog. IT HAS THREE FEBRUARY'S!!! I can't believe I've been active this long!

If this is Nachas that I'm getting from my blog... I wonder what real Nachas might feel like!!

P.S. Steve didn't give me much Nachas.

Once again I need music...

It's like I'm walking around in a desert, almost consciously knowing that I need water. But I don't feel thirsty and it's gets me so nervous!

I need music so badly!! I need to know how to jam on the electric guitar, bass guitar, acoustic guitar, piano, flute and any other magical instrument that Hashem was so kind to create.

I NEED to know how to play them so badly. I want to hold a flute in my hand and be able to 'play' you how I feel inside... I'd like to be able to grab the guitar and 'play' you what I had for breakfast that morning.
I want to talk music.
I want to walk music.
I want to sing music.
I want to eat music.
I want to drink music.
I want music so badly... But I don't even know how to better describe this craving inside of me... I just want.

Hashem, please let me live with this magic that you've created and appreciate it so much... I will use it for you. I will use it to better serve you.

Sometimes I try and walk down the street, listening to the sounds of the passing cars, honking horns, distant sirens and all the other noise around me. It's all Hashem's orchestra playing his tune of the day. He puts each tone in it's perfect pitch and volume and it's so beautiful.


On another note (Get the pun?? Note?!)...
I just made the biggest fool of myself on the new Mendy Pellin show "AskMoses tv"... It will be coming out next week and every week thereafter. I don't know what to do with myself. I'll obviously be turning heads in Kollel. How embarrassing!!!

I also starting singing at weddings with Yuda Piamenta... I love it. Though sometimes I feel like it's humiliating to get up there in front of everyone and sing, when I don't have the most incredible voice. All my life, I've been criticizing the singers who spring up around the world and are only average singers... Nothing too special. I hate them... Wait a second. I take that last statement back... I dislike them!
But here I am, singing and entertaining at your Simcha. I'm such a hypocrite at times.


Fatigue is overcoming me again. I don't reach out and welcome fatigue with open arms. I'm sort of upset at him. He's been 'bear-hugging' me at all the wrong times. Today during Kollel, I all of a sudden had the intense urge to put my head down and sleep. Yet tonight, when I should be fact asleep, my eyes are bulging and I can't sleep. Maybe I'm thinking about my insatiable Taiveh for music now.

T.T.T.O. Old McDonald.

I'm going to sleep on my fluffy pillow... la la la la la.
I hope I can fall asleep and dream of holy things... la la la la la.
With Atzilus here and Kesser there... Atsmus Ohr Ain Sof EVERYWHERE!!!

Red and blue bananas with purple avocados growing out of my lego castle... la la la la la.
I've gotten way off subject and I feel like such an ___________ ... la la la la la.

It's the latest update!

Intense Shmaineh Esrei Davvening by the Kitchen.

A quick photo before we left.

An outer view of the three bedroom beauty.

Some gorgeous picture that Sony took.

The 'hot tub' is on the bottom left of the picture, covered by snow on Sunday morning.

Der Hamock

The living room... Unbelievable. We used alot of wood to burn our fires.


I told everyone the story of the weekend... When the wife and I went upstate to the country for a three day 'getaway'... Here are some pictures of it all.

I'm back and I'm wiped!!

Back from the bestestest trip ever. We spent the weekend away from society - In the calm, relaxing, freezing hills of the Catskill Mountains.
The decision was made on Wednesday afternoon, to rent this nice little log home I found for rent on Craigslist.com, located in the Catskill mountains. It had all the amenities including, log walls, hot tub on the back balcony, unbelievable surrounding scenery. But most of all, it was secluded from humanity. We saw absolutely nobody other than each other for the entire weekend. It was absolutely amazing. (I sound very selfish and Hermit'ish with that... "What can I do?")

Anyways, today was leaving day. I got everything into the vehicle and got stuck in the snow that piled over Shabbos at steep driveway of the home. It took two long and very tiring hours to dig the van out. But all was perfect after that... Except for a huge snow storm in the mountains that started up as soon as we pulled out of the driveway... Baruch Hashem we made it home safely though. Tired but safe.

If you think that's the whole story... Nay I say!!

I had a Bar Mitzvah to attend in Boro Park tonight as well. Some really great guy from Hong Kong decided to become a Nadvornah Chossid and had a Bar Mitzvah for his son in Boro Park. It was really nice. The food was good (the part that I stayed for), the music was amazing, The speeches weren't too long... The only thing that was intense was the dancing.
I've never before been to a Chasseedeesher Simcha. Maybe that's why I was all traumatized from it. The dancing was crazy... In a very normal way.
I felt mostly bad for the video camera guy who was standing on his filming ladder and following the Bar Mitzvah boy in the middle of the oval dance prison.
What happens is. the dancing crowd surrounds and entraps the Bar Mitzvah boy in an oval shaped cage, and very slowly and drabbily they walk (dance?) around in the circle, closing in on the New man who may attempt an escape.
As if that's not enough, the Bar Mitzvah boy has to dance back and forth with each and every one of the important figures in their world... Which basically contitutes every single person in the room (with the exception of Balba, the Indian guy who was gathering the empty soup bowls from the other end of the room to bring them to the kitchen).
Knowing Meshulam, it didn't look like he was enjoying the party very much. I felt bad.

But... these are the challenges of life and if he's becoming a man now. Heck! We may as well throw all the Kak his way and get him warmed up for what else is coming...

Moshiach now!! Good night.

Update #4,350 (I made up that number. It's not really true.)

Mama-Mia is in town and I am excited. She just landed this afternoon. She's here to help take care of the sister in law and the new baby niece that was born this past Friday. The name is Chaya Mushka and as I'm typing, I am reminded to wish my wonderful brother in law, sister in law and all of the Richter family a very big Mazal Tov on the new 'bundle of joy' that they were given... Hmmmm... Why do they call it a bundle of joy?? Is the baby possibly just a bundle to throw over one's shoulder? Is it really joyful?? Hmmmm again.

Next on the list... Nobody is supposed to know this. It's not public knowledge yet, but "MENDY PELLIN is going to be on the Tonight show with Jay Leno on Thursday night!!"
I'm sure the posting of his experience will be thoroughly publicized throughout the Chabad world. So no need to watch the show live (hehe).

And here's a very random Halachic question that I pose to you all... Let's say you were in California for Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur, and while visiting Munchies in L.A. some girl buys a whole bunch of... Say... Bubble gum and asks you to give it to some friend of hers back in NY once you get back... You come back to NY, but never get a chance to get in touch with the person and the bag of bubble gum is sitting in your kitchen for almost six months before you notice it and think about having some of the gum for yourself... Are you allowed to assume that the girl gave up on it and it would be okay for you to have some for yourself... Or would it be considered stealing if you had a piece??

And finally... I posted pictures of the Moshiach car that roams around Crown heights aimlessly with absolutely no positive affect whatsoever... Also the pictures of 'Captain Levi' who I toured around the Heights with one day. My nephew has some sort of project in San Diego, where he has to send 'captain Levi' all over the world and show his class pictures of 'Captain Levi' wherever he went... So I was in charge of his awesome day in Crown Heights and I took advantage of it... enjoy the pics.

New week and I'm making a new song... YAY!!

Does anyone know how to embed an actual media player onto the blog. I hate the link to my song on the post below this one. I want people to be able to play a song directly from the page itself. Please help... I'm talking to you Mordechai L.!!!

(JK)