My Tisha B'av experience

I've been dreaming of inserting this 'diary' into the blog since Tisha B'av.

Here goes...

Since arriving in Cabo, every year Tisha B'av so far (that's 2), Hashem seems to hurdle us a curveball.

Last year, it was precisely during Eicha that a certain Israeli individual walked into Shul for the first time and introduced himself... I was unsuspecting of him and befriended him, but was later to learn that he was quite the nuance and problem dude... That experience ended nasty and our Israeli 'friend' swiftly left the Country, supposedly back to Israel, however the last I heard he was roaming around Mexico city. (His story can be found here)

This year, Hashem was not going to let me off the hook any easier.

On Friday before the fast, while on Mivtzoim, I got introduced to a friend of one of the locals who was visiting. He was a Mexican Israeli with two kids and a wife.

I began talking to him and right away realized that he wasn't your ordinary pleasant person. He was extremely intense. Very loud and aggressive, even while casually conversing with me, he wasn't speaking. He was shouting and a very 'in your face' kind of guy. His older kid who was only 13 was not that much different than him. It was obvious that they had a total lack of respect. But forget respect, they were missing basic social skills and very minimum menthlichkeit. For the stories safety, we will call this fellow Chaim, his son Moshe and his wife Batya (I have no idea why these names. There is absolutely no secret reason involved).

Anyways, I came home and we had Shabbos.

On Monday, I prepared for the fast as any other person would prepare for it. By eating. I carefully ate an extra portion of pasta, ensuring that I would have an ample storage of carbohydrates for the fast. I also drank loads of water. By the time 8:07 came, I was ready to fast baby.

I also planned on resting the day away and totally relaxing... However the next part of the story changed everything.

Chaim and Moshe told me that they were going to come hear Eicha at our home at 8:30, so I was preparing the Shul and everything... Here is a timeline of my Tisha B'av from the beginning.

8:07pm: Fast begins and I get ready for the Eicha.

8:30pm: Nobody has shown up yet. I wait.

8:40pm: A knock at the door. I open up. It's Moshe, the 13 year old boy and his younger brother. They ask me if they can use my phone.

Their father Chaim is being arrested by the police across the street.

I allow them to use the phone and they call their mother for a number to their lawyer in Mexico city. They try calling him but he doesn't answer.

8:45pm: I head on outside and try to see what exactly happened.

My neighbor across the street sells hot dogs from his driveway to passerby's and is a very sweet fellow.

He was casually standing with his family by his hot dog stand, when all of a sudden, Chaim pulls up in his car and casually parks in his driveway (a large driveway... But still private property).

My neighbor asks this stranger to move.

Chaim (the stranger) gives my neighbor a very nasty response, to which my neighbor reacts with defense. He will not allow Chaim to insult him on his own property in front of his family.

The tension escalates. Chaim doesn't back down and move on... He confronts my neighbor with death threats and a barrage of curses.

My neighbor pulls out a large knife from the hot dog stand, then, after still being taunted by Chaim, puts the knife down, takes a stick and hits Chaim with it.

Chaim gets into his car and smashes the bumper of my neighbors jeep.

The police are called and show up quickly.

They cuff Chaim and take him to prison. The neighbor will press charges against him.

This is the story I hear.

9:00pm: I call a lawyer from our community. He's leaving town the next day, but he tells me that the police have nothing to press charges against him, as there was no real crime committed. They might ask for a bail money of around $500, but if not, they will keep him there for a day or two and then just let him go.

9:15pm: We head over to the police station. We get to the front desk and while Chaim's son can speak with Chaim from the front desk to Chaim's cell (it's a really small prison... You can hear Chaim, but can't see him), we are trying to work out how to get Chaim out.

There is nobody to speak to. The judge and minister of 'whatever' is home and won't be back until the morning.

I try bribing the officer, but they don't budge. There is nothing to speak about until tomorrow morning.

The wife is called. She takes a taxi over and hears the details of the situation. She is stressing out.

The neighbor shows up to submit his charge against Chaim. He is scared.

Since Moshe, the son is trying to be the one in charge (even though he's only a meager 13 years old... Like I said, he lacks basic mentchlichkeit). I decide that too many voices will make this whole thing look stupid and I will just be available to help out if needed.

The son, Moshe heads over to the neighbor and brainlessly starts telling the neighbor that his father will come after him and kill him... His father already killed a whole bunch of people... His father is part of a very violent culture and there's nothing you can do about it... You should be scared of him and let him go!!

To which my innocent neighbor gets even more terrified and concludes that he must push for Chaim's to be incarcerated for as long as possible.

10:30pm: By now, several Israeli's have shown up to help. They are all just there to support the family. The police inside the prison don't allow us to stand around the entrance and we are all converged in the parking lot, trying to figure out what we should do.

One of the Spanish speakers there takes the neighbors to the side and explains to them that the 13 year old son doesn't know what he's talking about. Chaim will forgive and he was just stressed out etc... They should just forget about it and drop the charges.

After about 40 minutes, the neighbor agrees to drop charges, as long as they pay for the damage to his Jeep... About $200.

Everything seems fine and we go into the prison to work everything out and take Chaim home... But the police won't hear of anything. Chaim needs to stay there overnight and wait for the Officer in charge to decide his fate.

I ask one of the officers to pass Chaim a Kinus with Eicha and he does.

11:30pm: Without anything else to do, I go home, read Eicha to an exhausted Sonia.

12:45am: Go to bed.

7:35am: Woken up by the ringing of the phone. It is Batya, the prisoners wife. She is sitting at the station and wondering what is happening.

I go to the neighbor and he tells me that at 9am, his lawyer is coming with him to the courthouse in order to determine if Chaim is still a threat to his life or if he can be forgiven... I come home and tell the wife what I've learned.

9:00am I arrive at the prison/courthouse and meet with Batya, Moshe and his younger brother. They are waiting for the courtcase, so they can find out what needs to be done in order to get their husband/father out of the urine-odored, dirty Mexican prison.

10:00am the neighbor still hasn't shown up. The wife and her husband decide to get a lawyer of their own.

I drive to an office in Cabo and while I Davven in the office, one of the other Israeli's from the community finds out about some lady lawyer who is willing to help us... She will come right over.

11:15am I head back to the prison to wait for the lawyer to show up. While wait, I squeeze in some Kinus.

12:00pm The lawyer shows up and she goes inside the offices of the courthouse. She emerges a few minutes later and tells us that we need to wait until the case is analyzed and they come up with a verdict for Chaim.

2:00pm There is still nothing happening and my mouth is parched from waiting in the hot, humid, 95 degree weather waiting room. I excuse myself and leave home for a small nap.

2:15pm I get home a lie down.

2:17pm The phone rings. It's the wife and she asks me to go to my neighbor and tell him to come to the prison, so that he can sign the papers that he's not pressing charges.

I go over to the neighbor and he is already heading out to the prison to drop the charges, as long as he's paid for the damage to his jeep... Okay. I call back and lie back down to go to sleep.

2:40pm The phone rings again. It's the Israeli friend. The lawyer has just informed the family that the following option is the only one that the judge has given:

• 30,000 Pesos (about $3000US) to be paid before the day is over, otherwise, the prisoner will be transferred to a prison 2 hours away and will need to await a formal trial... All this, because while being arrested, he pushed and cursed at the police officers.

The family was in a panic.

Since Chaim's car was also towed by the police, they ask me to drive the wife to where they are staying so that she can get her checkbook, take her to the bank and then drive them quickly back to the prison so that she can pay the fine.

3:00pm I arrive at the prison and pick up Batya, Moshe and the Israeli friend.

We go to where they are staying. She picks up her checkbook and calls her friend in Mexico city to deposit 30,000 pesos into her bank account. We wait by the bank.

3:20pm the son remembers that he forgot something important at the house, so I drive him back home and back to the bank, while they all wait for the money to be deposited from Mexico city.

4:20pm The money finally comes through and we head over to the prison again.

4:40 Arrive at the prison and wait for the lawyer to come, meanwhile, the wife goes into the prison to visit with her husband. He kicks her out. He is upset. In his stubborn rage, he tells her not to pay anything and that he would rather be taken 2 hours north and await trial. He will not let the Police get away with their corruption.

Meanwhile, I'm waiting outside. The lawyer comes and tells me to get the 30,000 pesos to her, so that she can hand the money over to the minister... We cannot be present when she gives the money and also, when I ask Batya to hand her the money, I should ask it in Hebrew, so that the police officers standing around shouldn't understand.

I get suspicious.

Is she really a lawyer?

Last night, the Jewish lawyer told me that it shouldn't cost more than $500US and now this lawyer is asking for $3000US!!!

Is she pocketing a whole bunch of cash??

Did she secretly make a deal with the minister to give him a chunk of cash and she'll keep the rest, while this suffering family comes up with such a ludicrous amount in their time of stress and pain?

I tell the wife what I'm thinking and she agrees with me.

We decide that instead of the lawyer sneaking behind our backs to officers in back offices, we will go directly to the officer behind the main counter and ask him what the price on file is to release Chaim...

The son Moshe however for some reason has fallen prey to the panicky acts of the lawyer and is convinced of her genuine desire to help us out... He keeps shouting at his mother, that she should just pay the 30,000 pesos to the lawyer, because there are only a few minutes left and if we miss it, his father will be transferred and there's nothing we can do to save him!!! QUICK!! GIVE HER THE MONEY!!!

While I am working on finding out how much the bail 'really' costed, the mother caves into her son and the lawyer's pressure and hands over $3000US to the lawyer.

5:15pm I find out that it's too late, the money was handed over to the lawyer and she's in the back offices all by herself, working on getting Chaim out.

We wait in the hot, humid waiting room. My mouth is dryer than dry. My stomach is grumblier than grumbly. I mumble to the son that I am feeling a Churban Beis Hamikdash in my belly. He cautiously laughs. He knows I'm upset at him for being so naiive and stupid and making his mom waste so much money to Mexican corruption.

5:45pm the neighbor arrives at the courthouse and goes into the back offices.

6:15pm The neighbor walks out and beaming with happiness, he shakes the son and mothers hand and proudly declares that he dropped all the charges. He's not scared anymore. His face is actually quite glowy. I suspect that from the chunk of bail money, the lawyer offered him more than the $200 that his damaged car was assessed for.

We continue to wait.

6:30pm The lawyer comes out and declares that all is in order. Chaim will be released shortly. They just need to go through his release process... Signing forms and giving him back everything that they took from him etc...

We still continue to wait.

7:10pm the police walk Chaim into the back offices. He passes by us ashamed. But he manages to still shout out to us all that he refuses to sign the paper!!! He will not be taken advantage of from these lousy and corrupt police!!!! We are worried.

7:20pm The police come to the front and take Moshe the son to the back. He speaks to the father and convinces him to sign the paper and leave prison for once and for all!!!

7:30pm I declare that I must go home to put on tefillin and Davven Mincha and everything.

I rush home, grab my Tallis and Tefillin and rush back to the prison.

8:00pm I arrive at the prison. Chaim is out in the parking lot, boasting of his Tisha B'av in prison and how Hashem put him there in order to save him from a worse gezeira. I look at him and try to unmask an iota of remorse or regret for the actions that he took the day before. I am unsuccessful. He seems so proud to have been in prison!

I throw on my Tallis and Tefillin, put it on the son and others...

8:15pm we get into the car and I drive Chaim and his family to the home they are staying at.

8:31pm the fast ends.

8:33pm I pull up at their front door and let them off.

8:47pm I arrive home. Exhausted. Starving. Parched and ready to collapse, but happy that our ordeal is finally over.

...

And that was my Tisha B'av for this year.

During Mincha I thought: Is there a single person in the world who can possibly spit during Oleinu of Tisha B'av mincha? I tried as hard as I can, but could not gather the slightest micro-spit possible.

Nu nu!!

Good Shabbos to all and may we only have Simchos from now on.