In response to comment #1... hehe
Well, I'm not sure I was clear on my opinion in the previous post.
First of all, before we start anything, what in the world is the "Shidduch system" that everyone has problems with anyways?
Is there an official manual on how to set up a Shidduch for Chabad people or even Frum people at that? No!! There is no manual!!
The Shidduch system is a very general ideology that has developed over hundreds and hundreds of years and has statistically been proven to be the most successful and long lasting union maker in the world. Nobody can argue that.
The only better and longer lasting marriage rate in the world is probably the religious islam's. They don't have any divorce rate, because when you would think they are about to divorce, all of a sudden the woman turns up headless or something, so divorce is not neccessary (I say this perhaps with some exaggeration...)
In our world, the divorce rate is from the lowest that there is. Blame it on Taharas Hamishpocha. Blame it on the pressure to remain married. Blame it on the Shidduch system. Whatever it is, it's working.
Next point - Our sages tell us that the boy is actually supposed to pursue the girl as someone would search for a lost gem... Look in all the letters of the Rebbe dealing with Shidduchim. So right there, things are way different nowadays. With the whole 770 architecture and the girls side of this Shidduch crisis, a guy simply needs to sit in 770 and learn a Sicha. By the morning, there is already a list of girls who he is going to be dating... Again, with slight exaggeration.
The point is, nowhere in the manual of Shidduchim does it prohibit a girl to learn of a boys existence and take interest in him, then to pass over her interest to the Shadchan and have the Shadchan set up the Shidduch. Same is vice versa.
I worked in the museum several years ago. My wife (G-d bless her) worked in the museum. There was chatter about hooking us up. There were thoughts about hooking us up.
Someone called the Shadchan and the rest is history. I do not consider myself someone who cheated the Shidduch system.
The girl on collive who complained had a problem with the entire Shidduch system. She wants official policy to be freestyle dating for everyone. She wants to be able to see a guy on Kingston, strike up a conversation and let history be made.
I'm sorry, that would never ever work. Go to the village in Manhattan, look at all the young professionals who do this all day and see for yourself
(But you can't compare!!! The Village is a bunch of non religious people. They are not dating seriously!! whatever)
There are Shidduchim that are made outside of the system. I am not saying that they are wrong and will never work. Chas Veshalom!! I know many people who hooked up and are happily married and will IY"H be forever and ever! But the point at hand is, that if we were to make freestyle dating the official policy, then the percentage of people who take dating as a joke and fun concept would dramatically increase.
Meanwhile, those people who date outside of the system, if they are serious about it, it can work out just as well.
The chances are alot smaller that they will be serious about dating for marriage purposes. But if they are genuinely serious about their dating, then Kol Hakavod! It can be great.
The girl from the comment on collive obviously dated some guy who was from the minority of Bochurim that are looking for fun dating and using the Shidduch system for their benefit. She had a bad experience and is blaming the entire system, instead of blaming herself, the boy, the lack of honesty in the 'set-up' etc...
And so I conclude, before we go out and decide to paint the entire world a different color, because we think that it's purple, we might want to change the 'purple' lenses on our glasses and see that the problem is us and not a bigger and better system.
First of all, before we start anything, what in the world is the "Shidduch system" that everyone has problems with anyways?
Is there an official manual on how to set up a Shidduch for Chabad people or even Frum people at that? No!! There is no manual!!
The Shidduch system is a very general ideology that has developed over hundreds and hundreds of years and has statistically been proven to be the most successful and long lasting union maker in the world. Nobody can argue that.
The only better and longer lasting marriage rate in the world is probably the religious islam's. They don't have any divorce rate, because when you would think they are about to divorce, all of a sudden the woman turns up headless or something, so divorce is not neccessary (I say this perhaps with some exaggeration...)
In our world, the divorce rate is from the lowest that there is. Blame it on Taharas Hamishpocha. Blame it on the pressure to remain married. Blame it on the Shidduch system. Whatever it is, it's working.
Next point - Our sages tell us that the boy is actually supposed to pursue the girl as someone would search for a lost gem... Look in all the letters of the Rebbe dealing with Shidduchim. So right there, things are way different nowadays. With the whole 770 architecture and the girls side of this Shidduch crisis, a guy simply needs to sit in 770 and learn a Sicha. By the morning, there is already a list of girls who he is going to be dating... Again, with slight exaggeration.
The point is, nowhere in the manual of Shidduchim does it prohibit a girl to learn of a boys existence and take interest in him, then to pass over her interest to the Shadchan and have the Shadchan set up the Shidduch. Same is vice versa.
I worked in the museum several years ago. My wife (G-d bless her) worked in the museum. There was chatter about hooking us up. There were thoughts about hooking us up.
Someone called the Shadchan and the rest is history. I do not consider myself someone who cheated the Shidduch system.
The girl on collive who complained had a problem with the entire Shidduch system. She wants official policy to be freestyle dating for everyone. She wants to be able to see a guy on Kingston, strike up a conversation and let history be made.
I'm sorry, that would never ever work. Go to the village in Manhattan, look at all the young professionals who do this all day and see for yourself
(But you can't compare!!! The Village is a bunch of non religious people. They are not dating seriously!! whatever)
There are Shidduchim that are made outside of the system. I am not saying that they are wrong and will never work. Chas Veshalom!! I know many people who hooked up and are happily married and will IY"H be forever and ever! But the point at hand is, that if we were to make freestyle dating the official policy, then the percentage of people who take dating as a joke and fun concept would dramatically increase.
Meanwhile, those people who date outside of the system, if they are serious about it, it can work out just as well.
The chances are alot smaller that they will be serious about dating for marriage purposes. But if they are genuinely serious about their dating, then Kol Hakavod! It can be great.
The girl from the comment on collive obviously dated some guy who was from the minority of Bochurim that are looking for fun dating and using the Shidduch system for their benefit. She had a bad experience and is blaming the entire system, instead of blaming herself, the boy, the lack of honesty in the 'set-up' etc...
And so I conclude, before we go out and decide to paint the entire world a different color, because we think that it's purple, we might want to change the 'purple' lenses on our glasses and see that the problem is us and not a bigger and better system.
posted by the Mitzvah man! at Monday, July 27, 2009
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