Tomato!!

Note: The heading has absolutely nothing to do with this entry. The photograph kinda' gives over the stuffy feeling I have now. It also reminds me of where I'd love to be now and it kills me!


I'm bored.
I'm sitting in my room now with nothing to do. I've done everything I was supposed to do today (except bring Moshiach Tzidkeinu). I learned Smicha for about 4 hours today and finished my quota. I lay in bed, did my Sudoku (okay, so I did that one while laying in bed. Let's just say I "killed two birds with one stone"). I also listened to music and made a couple of phone calls... YES ZVI! I finally called Douggie and left a message. Now I'm just waiting for him to call me back. I tried to reach you today too (oh kak! those last 2 lines should've been in brackets).

"aaaaaaaaahhh" *I release a long 'trying to calm down' sigh and sit back in my chair to stretch.* I really had a crazy day today. Ottawa is really wearing down on me. There are so many issues that bother me here and I can't even express them.
I can't speak the many troubles my mind creates. I don't have anybody here who can listen to MY problems. It's almost like I'm a two year old put into skates, thrown onto the rink and told to skate! Nobody really gives a "tomato" about this place (Hey! there's the connection with the heading! *tee hee*). I came here, was given a number of promises for it. I was really excited about it. But now I'm here looking back at almost five months of nothing. Empty lies... 6 Shluchim gone elsewhere, because they couldn't handle the pressures anymore. So what happens here?? There's double as much pressure on us few remaining survivors and yet, we still have no support. I almost feel like Yeshiva is going to crumble if another Shliach leaves. But then, how pathetic is a Yeshiva if its whole basis is on Bochurim??!!
I get to my room and close the door, only to be bombarded with vocious knocking and profanities coming from outside. It's another Bochur who wants to randomly come into the room and 'chill out', sit on the computer and just bother the life out of me. (Steve, have you taken your medication yet??)
So tonight, I left Yeshiva right after Ma'ariv and got to my room. Locked it as usual and ignored every single knock that came my way. I was mean tonight. I have finally unleashed the "Satan ShebiKirbi." Of course there is the suffering which comes with it. For some, the more stubborn you are in not letting them in. The more enthusiastic they get to annoy the hell out of you and make your life even more hectic!!
I even have to be careful what I write on this thing now. I might hurt someone's feelings. It totally ticks me off!



"Im' going to go out for a long, long walk now. Take an ipod and just walk! Maybe I'll end up in California or something."

"My blog used to be my best friend. But now it's even gone against me. I'm left with my music (and Steve)"